I guess I need and want to grow as a person. I want to know more bout what's out there. Im so not contented leading this monotonous life. Im 17 already Lord, when will the fun begin? I don't know what the hell that is in me. Its driving me to do stuff that isn't exactly termed 'normal'. If I were to wait for this and wait for that, wait for me to grow up, wait for parental permission, wait wait wait ? I'll never get anywhere. Sigh don't people understand that certain stuff just cannot wait for you to ponder and think it thru. Its grab and go.
I guess I won't be going for a degree after poly. There's no certain path I want to stick to yet. In fact I want to take so many, to find answers for the questions that I have. Choices are limited only if you see them from one point of view, it ultimately boils down to what you want to get out of your life. If you want to be a dancer, actor, chef, adventurer, sportsmen, go... Hold on tight tho cause it'll be bumpy.
Time is more of a limiting factor here, haha if only u know whats inside my head.. The kind of things i want to do, maybe i'll do it all in this life, maybe i'll accomplish half.. I dunno.. Boils down to how im going to start doing them. Starting and getting there is always the hardest part. =/
I miss my bible study mentor.. He told me this 'To be a leader, you have to be a servant.' How i applied that to leading gg man.. No matter how much i hated that position, haha the girls will always see the CL clearing the rubbish, washing the toilets, unclogging stuff.. but it was all made so fun with zinc,moon, nik and all.. =) those crazy crazy days. Anyway he saw some of my dreams la, lofty to some but real to him. How i need the encouragements now.. Its so easy to just get lethargic and settle into the flow of life. But cannot la, then the moods will set in and i'll feel so itchy, must go do something bout it. Sigh parents hard enough to tackle man, they dont understand... Tell them bout dreams they'll just go, 'nonsense, girl go back and study, get a proper job.' Like ehhh.. im gonna turn out a bad fruit to them in the end know. What if i decide to go off back-packing for a few months? Later they disown me. How, how to make them understand... What others say i dont care, they matter..