Im trying to study for my psychology paper right now, its midnight and im only at 3 out of the 10 lectures that i hoped to finish today. But flashes of moments and thoughts have been distracting me from work. It always starts with the pictures that i have on my walls, they pull me in and lead me to thoughts of going to a faraway place and to live amongst the common people. Everyday, as I pass life in my normal day to day moments, my thoughts will always always go to this place and the people that calls out to me. I dont know where that place is but i know who the people are, they come to me in so many different ways. You can call it a figment of my imagination, but with the billions of people on earth i believe that the people in my thoughts exist. I just wished that i was there and that they knew i was around, a million miles away and thinking of them.
If you put in it in christian sense, it would definitely be the calling of God to a servant for His will to be done. And everytime that i hear him, i would perk up but there's always a side of me that tells Him that it has to wait, that im not ready yet, that i want to graduate a physio, gain my experience and i'll be perfect to serve then. But when will that ever be? 5 years from now, or even 10? Will things ever happen then? Does God need a perfect being or will he lead the blind each step of the way and open new doors? I know the answer to that but its difficult in real life to have the faith.
With a heart so willing but its the directions that i need now. I've been built in every way possible for this purpose but just what do i do now? Im willing to climb mountains, get down and dirty, go down to whatever level it takes for me to just to be there, serving... Im very much aware that its something that i dont have to do, i've got everything that i need now to have a comfortable life in future and its difficult to put it all down to go and to serve people that society turns a blind eye to. Mark created a video of 'the two kingdoms' at church just last sunday, and it just hits home.. The lives we lead everyday, comfortable and secured and the lives that people from the other 'world' leads. Do you, whoever that is reading this, see it? Its just not a 5min commercial that the daily news runs on tv on its half and hour slots. Im not out to save the world, i cant. I've gotta admit that i just need to meet this people, because little bits of me are with them, in them.. Everytime i find them and give something of myself back, they bring me to an entirely new level. That's what life is for me ever since i figured this out, the constant need to get back to that level, and it just pushes me to do so much more.
The day dreams arent gonna stop, they'll just keep going =)